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#relationship101-8211
                    Am I crazy for thinking too much into it? I (24M) love this girl (23F) I work with, we’re pretty close and tell each other everything. Our “work mom” knows that and has been trying to get us together for a couple months now. She tells our work mom that she did date someone previously she was really close and it didn’t end well so she just wants us to remain friends.Am I reading way too much into this to give myself hope that there could be something, or is this basically her nice way of sending stop?
                
#relationship101-8210
                    I'm too scared to make out with her. Need some advice So I've been out with this girl for over 1month and evrytime we part ways I peck her lips and then hug her... That's pretty much it. I'm a pussy I want to kiss her longer but I am legit scared and I honestly don't know how to do it. Like am I suppose to hug her first then make out with her while holding her waist? Does anyone have any good scenarios and examples? I really appreciate everyone's helpPlease don't laugh 😂
                
#relationship101-8209
                    How do I act more "straight" [30M] I'm starting to get a little worried that, when I'm out and about, girls automatically assume I'm gay because of certain mannerisms I have.I just don't know how to behave less effeminate and increase my chances of a girl noticing me. Any ideas?
                
#relationship101-8207
                    I (f26) spent the night with someone (f28) who wasn't my partner (f28) I am in a very happy relationship for over a year. We were on a night out and staying at a friends house. I slept in the same bed as another friend. There was definite attraction which I think went both ways. We spooned and held hands, it felt quite intimate but didn't go further even though a part of me wanted to but knew it would have been a complete betrayal.I casually mentioned it to my partner the next day but she just looked disappointed and we didn't talk about it anymore. Think things are ok between us but I feel a bit distant out of guilt.I've talked to the other person but not about that night, it was a bit awkward but we only see each other a few times a year.I love my partner very much and don't want to mess up the relationship but I'm still thinking about this other person and I feel so guilty about it. I don't know how to get over it as the relationship is more important than some casual attraction. How do I move on and stop feeling guilty?tl:dr cuddled with someone else, feel guilty, what should I do
                
#relationship101-8208
                    I (24F) am conflicted about my relationship with my husband (25M). My husband (25M) and I (24F) have been together for 5 years. Most of the time things are okay. The issue is right there. Things are only "okay". In the beginning we were great. We haven't been apart for more than a night since we first started dating.He doesn't drive but he does have a great job. We both work full time but he pays most of the bills because he gets paid more than I do. I drive him to and from work, and we split the housework but his half rarely gets done. Recently, because of this, I've stopped cleaning as much too.I want a baby, but our sex life is pretty much gone because I'm always either too mad at him or just not looking forward to letting him thrash around on top of me for 30 seconds to a minute. Like most parts of our relationship, the sex used to be better, but he's gotten lazy. I have PCOS so it's going to be difficult for me to get pregnant as it is, even more so without a sex life.I've always been bisexual. We've had threesomes in the beginning of our relationship but I put a stop to it when I found the girls liked to continue talking to him and wanted to exclude me. He never followed through, but he entertained the conversations. He doesn't actively seek other women - but if I involve them, he will entertain. He has a history of minor infidelity. Only talking, texting, sending pictures, etc... never anything more than that.I'm 200% faithful, always have been. Until recently, I never so much as thought about pursuing another person. In the past few weeks, I've found myself checking out other women. I've never been with another woman without a man involved, and the desire to has never come up, until now. This is the main reason I know things have transitioned from okay to not okay.Ultimately, we will have to work together to fix this huge tension between us. I have been telling him exactly how I feel and exactly what I need him to do to make me happy. It seems like he doesn't care or he is intentionally doing the opposite. I don't want to believe that this is the case, but theres got to be a number of times you can repeat and explain something until one understands and remembers.I've been terribly depressed recently and somethings got to give. I can't just up and leave because 1) I love him and I don't want to give up. And 2) He pays the rent and I would be homeless if I left. Staying with friends would not be an option since I don't really have any friends nearby. I am desperately hoping someone here can give me some insight as to what needs to be done to fix my life.So, Reddit, any ideas?TLDR, My husband isn't pulling his weight in the relationship and I'm at a loss on how to fix it.
                
#relationship101-8206
                    I [17M] need help with a [17F] i was talking to I was talking to a girl at school and it was safe to assume we both liked each other. It’s important to know a friend I’ve had since like 7th grade liked her at one point.We spent more time together and would eventually eat every lunch together. When this friend found out, he blocked me and stopped talking to me.To amend the situation, I tried to ghost the girl to show him that wasn’t more important than a friendship I’ve had since middle school however that didn’t work.I’m still blocked and now I haven’t spoke to the girl in a week. What should I do because it feels like I’ve ruined both relationships?TL;DR basically I ruined two relationships when i talked to a girl my friend liked almost two years ago.
                
#relationship101-8205
                    Are my (F32) feelings toward my apathetic husband (M34) justified? I've never posted here. I guess I just want to hear from an objective outsider. Are my feelings justified?​We married 5 years ago. At the time, he was in excessive student loan debt (six figures), which in itself probably should have been a huge red flag.​It has become the albatross around MY neck, because he isn't worried. We are in our early 30s. Our friends are all buying houses, having children, buying new cars, traveling around the world, contributing extra to 401ks. We are still renting, driving beaters, going camping, and contributing the bare minimum to retirement.​I save as much as possible so that we can actually have savings and buy a house. He saves nothing, so if not for me, we would have none. I work a second job, too. He refuses to work a second job (he works 40 hrs/week btw). And so as the years go on, as I get up at 5:30 on the weekends to go work more, the resentment grows.​All his money goes to the loans, as he is still in debt. How much? When will it be paid off? I don't know. He never bothers to tell me. I have BEGGED, cried, and threatened to leave over the issue of him just TELLING me his financial info and for us to sit down and make a financial plan. He makes promises DURING the fight, but once we cool down, he drops it. It ceases to matter. His whole attitude is "I can't do anything about it, so why worry."​I had to BEG him to consolidate his loans (they were all private and near 12% interest). And this APATHY extends to every other facet of his life. He NEVER sees his family, and consequently, I have no relationship with my nieces and nephews. He NEVER comes up with a plan to do something. If I don't come up with things for us to do on the weekend, we don't do anything! He NEVER cleans ANYTHING. I have played the "how long can I go without cleaning this before he wipes it down" game, and I have lost. I often feel like I spend my life doing all of the things I want to do, and he tags along. It isn't a partnership.​Meanwhile I am running out of time to have children (32), especially as I have medical problems that will make it more difficult. I truly fear that we will run out of time because of those damn loans. And he is 00% unconcerned. We used to talk about baby names, and I stopped. Because it just gets my hopes up. I was 27 when we married and we were "going to have kids in two years." One year passed, and another, and another, and another.....​And now I am 32. And now I am tired because I need to get up tomorrow and go work while he sleeps in. And now I am planning to eventually just take my savings and leave, since he doesn't seem to care one iota.​TL;DR! : Marriage falling apart due to loans; husband couldn't care less. Are my feelings justified?
                
#relationship101-8204
                    Me [20 M] and my ex gf [20 F] of two years broke up and she says she still loves me but cant be with me. Today we had the chat, I wont go into too much detail on her part but she was having personal issues which our relationship was not able to help her resolve.Some background. Our relationship was very full on, it happened quite suddenly and neither of us were looking for a relationship at the time but we just clicked and I knew she was special. We've had our ups and downs but we have never done anything bad to each other which was just horrible for the both of us.Back to today. We had long chat, in which she said that we're not going to work, but she loves me so much still, and for the record I truly believe her and I love her just as much. We ended up having a joint breakdown at the thought of not having a future together. And I dropped her off home for the last time.During our talk we discussed about after a good period has passed there would maybe see if there would be a chance to rekindle our relationship as we never have been interested in anyone else. Lots of emphasis on maybe.I know I shouldn't get my hopes up but I feel so awful without her I feel like it's the only thing which seems to be a positive and is helping me through it. What do people think, I just need some opinions really.tldr; relationship is over, we still love each other. Should I be hopeful? Need advice.
                
#relationship101-8203
                    Guy [22M] I [22F] was dating ended things because my crazy ex came popped out of nowhere. I was dating this guy for about 5 months and everything was going so well! My ex-boyfriend [33M] had left me alone for a few months but started again recently by showing up to my job, calling my job, and somehow knowing my schedule. I have called the police but they don’t do anything so my next step is to get a restraining order.He showed up to the guy I was dating’s job asking about him. How he knows that information is beyond me. It’s obvious creepy, and the guy I was dating ended things with me saying it was too much. A report has been filed but now things are over between us and I am devastated. I have not reached out to respect his decision, but he has been texting me. I don’t know. How can I move on with my life??TL;DR Crazy ex found out new guy’s job and went looking for him and now I am single. What can I do to move on?
                
#relationship101-8201
                    My(32M) wife(27F) isn't sure what she wants Sorry this is super long but I don't know how to condense it anymore.​My wife and I have been together for 9 years. We met online and had a long distance relationship for 3 years and finally got married 8 months ago. I've never had any reason to doubt how much she loved or how faithful she was to me during any of that time, even when she hung out with friends more often than me (majority of her friends are guys and I've know a couple that have tried to make a pass at her). Our schedules are pretty different as I work from home and across several timezones and she works a 10hr shift with not typical weekends. So a few times we'd both get in the habit of hanging out with friends more often since they were awake around the same time as us. Unfortunately, she says that the build up of the wedding and our long honeymoon was just so exciting and happy that she's depleted her emotions and thinks she has depression.​However, this time feels so much different. She met a new group of friends (they live in another country) on a video game that she's been spending most of the time with, which originally she invited me to join them. She also referred to me as her boyfriend, because she felt some of her other friends stopped talking to her as much and stopped joking around when she told them we were getting married. Usually, we try to play ranked/competitive modes, and my schedule those 2 weeks were rough so I declined not wanting to make a bad impression. After that she started playing other games with those friends, even one I asked her play with me but she declined. She never bothered to invite me to join her. When I asked her why she decided to finally play that game she told me a pretty bad lie, which I called her out on and she deeply apologized for doing. It was the first time she's ever intentionally lied to me and the first time I had to ask her "Do you still love me?"​We had a long talk about our feelings that took a few days to get through and we know there's still more to discuss. (I rarely talk about mine, she's used to loved how strong/secure I was). I honestly felt our discussions were relieving a lot of weight off my shoulders, but she's found them helpful but extremely stressful. I suppose because most of the burden was on her newly found sense of independence (I say newly found because she's always been independent, but never like this and it's the first time she's used this excuse multiple times). I've never told her she couldn't do anything or hang out with anyone in the past and I told her that's not changing, but I insisted she spend more time with me by including me in the game(s) she's currently enjoying and that her friends should know I exist; not some imaginary guy a girl made up just to keep creeps away. (Before this incident it was never an issue, we always invited each other to every game we play and there's never been a time that we didn't introduce our significant other to anyone we considered a friend.) This was hesitantly agreed to because she admitted the original lie was because she didn't want to introduce me to this new group of friends for various reasons, which none were good. My obligations I agreed to was to hang out with friends a little more than I have recently and tell her my feelings more often. We also both agreed we'd express ourselves more and going back to being honest with each other.​The past couple of weeks had been great but rough at the same time. I know I can't expect everything to change over night. We started hanging out a little more often and she invited me to one game that she's playing, but refused to do the same on another. Since we usually only get 2-3 hours a day together, I'd really prefer that at least 50% or more of that time is with me and I'm completely fine with if a lot of that time is with other people. I'm not trying to chain her to myself, I just really hated the feeling of purposefully not being included…
                
#relationship101-8202
                    I've [23F] felt neglected by my dad [59M] since my teens. Am I justified in dropping all contact? TL;DR: Dad took me in when I faced homelessness but then I got shoved aside for step-family. He still calls, but it feels like he barely ever cared about me. Wondering if I should confront him about it all or just drop all contact.Never posted to one of these subreddits. Thought to give it a shot since this is a recurring dilemma I have.My parents have been divorced my entire life--great start, right?--and I lived with my mom, had every other weekend with my dad. I never minded until I hit my teens, then when I had an event or was invited to something on my dad's weekend, then he would get pissed that I... had a life? Was included in things? Then it progressed to him complaining about how far my event was for him, and him and New Girlfriend needing to stop to look at model houses on the way home when I'm sweaty and tired after 4+ hours of extracurriculars and hungry. Was.... eh. I understood it took up a lot of their Saturday, but I felt weird about it.When I was in my late teens my mom and I got kicked out of our house.(Beyond my mom's control.) My mom and I rented rooms from close friends for about a year, but I couldn't handle sharing a room/bed with my mother anymore. So I moved into my dad's at about 17.(New Girlfriends house, they gave me what I thought was my own room but was used by her family when they came over and I was gone.)I got a job, walked too and from work, learned how to adult semi-on the fly. My dad charged me minimal rent, which my mom, sister, and I all thought was shitty since I had no where else to go and was trying to earn money to live. I am introverted, stayed to myself, ate dinner with them. I will admit I was a bit of a shithead, in the sense that I kept my room a bit messy, but no trash or anything, and really rarely left my room. Ya know, online friends and being introverted.Then eventually Dad and New Girlfriend--who is step-mom by now--stop including me in dinner, and dad stops asking if I want to hang out on weekends completely.(we had a few places we liked to go to together.)Then he started saying Step-Moms family was offended by me because I dont hang out with them for hours when they are visiting Step-Mom's mother.(A biiiit bad on my part, but I am just... not that kind of social person. I never acted rude, I just kept to myself.)Between the being left out of everything and getting chewed out for being introverted, I had enough and my sister let me live with her.(I was kind of a shitty roommate to her too, but I got better and apologized to her. I think we're coolish.)Now ever since I just want nothing to do with my dad, we only talk 3-4 times a year, but if I dare to be late to a Happy Father's Day text, Step-Mom sends me a bitchy text. He tried to pull the, "he better ask me before he marries you!" thing when he did like, 1/6th of the raising me, if that. Dad and I never got together while I lived with my sister, while they had weekly lunches. Then I move out of state, he never visited--husband and I didn't want him to anyway. And now we're back to the 3 or 4 phone calls a year.All of my current family seem to understand that my dad isn't much of a dad, and my husband, best friend, and mother adamantly vouch for me not bothering to have a relationship with him at all anymore. Whenever I decide in my heart, "yeah, fuck it, my mother was more than enough parent" he calls and makes me believe that he cares, but then he talks about X trip him and StepMom have, and Y thing they bought, and I want to not talk to him again.I recently moved to a state close to him, but havent told him yet. Husband would be completely fine with us never telling him, I almost want to meet up with him at least once, maybe talk to him about how I feel like I was tossed aside back then.Help. Am I ungrateful, bitter over nothing, or somewhat justified? I tried staying vague but ca n try to answer questions if details are needed. Thanks a bunch!
                
#relationship101-8200
                    My boyfriend (21m) and I (21f) have been together for almost two years and it’s so difficult to end the relationship, but I know we should For a bit of context, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and we both love and care about each other. The first year of our relationship was amazing with the honeymoon phase and all of that. It was great and we both fell in love quickly and probably overwhelmingly. We couldn’t be more different personality and interests wise, but we make it work. We currently attend the same college and live together. Previously we did long distance for a year before he transferred to the same college as me and we made it work. However this year was really hard on our relationship and we faced a lot of issues like poor communication and lots of arguing. Because we care about each other so much, we tried so hard to make it work but things just aren’t the same and I don’t see it working out in the long run. I just love him such a huge amount and it’s my first long term relationship (I just previously dated guys but my current boyfriend was the first one I truly cared about). I’m thinking about ending it once we finish finals so we can both be at home with no worries. I just love him so incredibly much and I only get these feelings of wanting to end things when we fight or miscommunicate. On his end, he tends to shut down and choose to avoid problems rather than acknowledge them to move on. I prefer talking and resolving things instantly. So this tends to clash and leave him feeling upset and leaving me crying my eyes out. But when we’re happy, we’re great. I know the last option is to end things, but it is so, so hard and I cry just thinking about it. I know we’re both very young, but it doesn’t make it any easier thinking of moving on and being with someone else. How do you end things when you care about the person so much? :-( thanks for reading and I’d appreciate any input or advice or words of encouragementTLDR; Boyfriend and I of two years love each other so much but the relationship isn’t working out. But it’s too difficult to end things so how to proceed?
                
#relationship101-8199
                    My boyfriend [30M] is constantly looking up his ex [31F] of over 3 years on social media. I [24F] feel quite hurt by it. When my boyfriend and I met he was 1 year post break up with "Megan," a girl he dated for ~7 months. Quite quickly on he made it apparent he was still very hurt by her breaking up with him and was not over it. Like he fell into a deep depression that lasted a while. I didn't find out till later that this depression lasted for months into our relationship. At the time, I really didn't care because I was fine with having a casual relationship. I ended up falling for him and in that time realized he was obviously still emotionally entangled with her. He even broke up with me 5 months in because he wasn't over her.About 10 months into our relationship he said he had a dream about her and was finally over her because he saw her new boyfriend. I also saw emails he was sending her saying "I don't expect you to respond but I heard you _______, congrats." This caused me to snoop a little further, which was wrong of me, and saw an email drafted to her the night we met telling her how much he misses her, how he feels dead without her, she's the most beautiful, smart, incredible woman he's ever met, etc. Basically saying life isn't worth living without her. This caused us to break up for some time.Through the near 2 and a half years of our relationship I've seen him looking her up on social media what seems to be regularly. Whenever he would pull up something on Instagram or Facebook to show me, her name would be the first thing in the search bar. I can't say with certainty how frequently he does this, but it has to be with some regularity if nearly every time he's showing me something on social media she comes up. Also, in October (nearly 2 years into our relationship) I saw on his phone that on his voicemail log he had literally every voicemail deleted except for 3 she had sent to him when they were together, in 2015. Never saved any of my voicemails or anything.Anyways, I told him how these things hurt me but tried to stay rational as I know it's not abnormal to look up exes or to save mementos from exes. However, yesterday he was showing me something on Facebook and sure enough, her name comes up. I pretend I don't see it. Later he casually says something like "You know whenever I clear my Facebook and Instagram it never deletes anything like it still shows searches from forever ago." I know this is a lie, and I know that he's trying to cover for what he thinks I saw which kinda pissed me off. I then say to him "You know on Facebook it shows you the day you searched something." I then tell him I did see it, and I don't appreciate him lying to me. He continues to feign confusion, swearing Facebook shows old searches. He pulls up his phone, fiddles around on Facebook trying to "prove" his point. I then go to the search history and it shows he looked her up multiple times in May. He then goes dead quiet. I didn't wanna talk about it, so I left.He's given an apology over text last night saying he's happy with me and that we'll talk tomorrow, but he has yet to bring it up at all and we haven't spoken today.When does it cross the line from mere curiosity and noisiness to pining and obsessing over your ex of over 3 years. It just feels wrong and inappropriate to me. I literally never look up my exes. I know strangers on the internet can't tell me why he's doing this, but is this normal or ok? This feels like a deal breaker to me on top of everything else.tldr; Boyfriend regularly looks up ex, who has unfortunately been a topic in our relationship since the beginning because he used to be madly in love with her and when she dumped him, he spiraled in a depression that lasted for over a year, and into our relationship.
                
#relationship101-8198
                    What does it mean if he likes an Instagram pic after months of no contact. [F26/M29]? TL; DR - He fucked me over, and we've had no contact for months. Yesterday, he liked a picture of mine on Instagram (I don't follow any of his socials anymore) with a quote from R. M Drake about losing a lover because of your inability to appreciate the beauty they bring to your life (just a quote I liked - not aimed at him. I'm a literature major and worked in fiction publishing, all my posts have poems or quotes). What does his like (at 1am) mean - if anything?The Quote: "You lost her and it wasn't because she was hard to hold, or love, or touch but because she was made of your absence, of all the things you ignored and all the beautiful poetry you read but failed to understand."---The long of the short of it is this - he told me that he was falling in love with me, that I was his best friend, cried on my shoulder, slept with me without 'sleeping with me', had amazing sex... and then betrayed me in the worst and most horrific ways possible and said the only reason he is able to be in his current relationship (which started while he was still saying he loved me but while I was overseas) was because of how he used me.He went from "you make me a better person and you're the light in my life" to "it didn't mean anything". Ghosted me. Vanished. He did call before going overseas to say he wanted to chat when he got back - but he's back and he hasn't called. More unkept words. I'm disgusted by his behavior, but I also have no closure for how he blatantly used me and (admitted to using) my deepest vulnerabilities for his own self-gain.​BUT. He still follows me on Instagram. I unfollowed him on everything.He used to like most of my pictures and watch my stories. He hasn't for about 3 months. I always post poems with my Instagram posts, or quotes I found beautiful. I studied literature and worked in fiction publishing so I always try to add a little something lovely to each picture.Yesterday I posted one with this quote by R. M. Drake from Beautiful and Damned."You lost her and it wasn't because she was hard to hold, or love, or touch but because she was made of your absence, of all the things you ignored and all the beautiful poetry you read but failed to understand."​The picture wasn't sexy - just me on a horse. No bust or booty.​He liked it. He didn't unlike it. It was the first time he has popped into my feed in months.I get the feeling he's been stalking my profile. But, he could also have just been scrolling and liking at random. It was also 1am. I was awake and working.I don't want to spiral or overthink anything. I'm still healing and would love some outsider insight.
                
#relationship101-8197
                    I [21F] don't know how to go about this with my SO [29M] Honestly I have zero clue what's going on so I'm just gonna start from where I thought it started to get weird. So we've been together almost a year and last sunday, we decided to go out. I was expecting what we usually do which is I spend the whole day with him. So we went fishing, we ate, we go back to his and he initiated sex. An alarm went off after and he says oh thats my alarm. I should've asked but I didn't so I take a shower and I go to put his sweatpants on and he starts saying no no. He says he made dinner plans with his mom so I started freaking out thinking I look like a mess cause every other time I've gone with him to his mothers.He then tells me no I'm dropping you off home because my mom complains about my sister's bf always being over so I don't wanna upset her. I'm fine with that, just upset cause 1. he was an hour late and i didn't want her mad at me for making him late and 2. it was embarrassing for me lol. So he drops me off and I texted him a pic of me fake crying saying "you left me for your other girlfriends1!-!" (Yes it was totally wrong and not funny. I apologized left and right for it. It was childish.) So he just texted me at 10pm that night saying he didnt like what I said and goodnight.The next two days, it was like a different him. Barely any texts, one word answers and I asked him whats up and all he said the first day was I'm tired and busy. So I accepted it and I thought that was valid considering it is a busy job. But the next day he wasnt working and he STILL was doing that. And he kept ignoring my texts so I called him and I asked what the problem was. He said he didn't wanna speak to me at the moment because of how I acted. He said I dont appreciate the time I have with him and that I made him feel bad for spending time with his family. (I have NEVER told him he couldnt spend time with them) I explained that I do but I felt bad at the moment cause he was late and the way he said how his mom feels made me worry cause I don't want her to dislike me.He just kept saying whatever to what I said. He said he needed time but he wouldn't disappear so we have been texting and I apologized and swore I didn't mean to make him feel bad. So I'm trying to fix this, I try to pretend we're ok, I ask him if he wants to go out, I ask him if he needs help with things and everything is a shut down. Instead of just saying no to plans, he said maybe. Then when I asked do you even wanna hang out? He says no. I sent him a selfie where i'm in shorts and a long sleeve shirt making fun of something gross and he calls me yelling at me cause he doesn't want anything physical and "i'm trying to be sexual" First of all, ouch and second of all, what i was making fun of wasnt sexual, the picture really wasnt sexual and what i pointed out was more gross funny.Now its him saying hes trying to understand me and what I want from him but how are you doing that when it's just me trying to work it out and you making it worse by fighting with me the whole way. I don't know how to go about this honestly. He's told me before while crying that he feels bad sometimes when he accuses me of things because he wants to be right so he has a reason not to trust me. So idk if this is self sabotage or if i'm not doing enough or explaining enough.tl:dr SO is acting weird after a fight. how do I go about this?
                
#relationship101-8196
                    Is my(24F) sister(21F) moving from getting adjusted to just plain toxic? To start off, myself(24F) and my sister(21F) have always had a mother/daughter relationship. We grew up in an abusive environment and I’ve had to step into the mother figure role. When I was 17, she (14/15 at the time) moved in with me and my boyfriend, now husband. We took on the parent role and got her through school, first job, first car all of that. She was out on her own come 19.She has always struggled with depression and drug use. She also has a knack for getting with shitty guys. Any stereotype that comes with growing up with alcoholic parents and in foster care, she fits. March 2019, she tried(again) to kill herself. She was on an alcohol and cocaine binge while also depressed about our fathers passing and dealing with a 4 year abusive relationship. We got to her in time, she was admitted to the hospital for treatment on her cuts and to monitor her withdrawals and released to us.When we brought her home, we let her know we were here to help and that we would cover her expenses as she went to therapy and AA meetings and she wouldn’t have to work just yet. Things were good in the beginning, she was going to therapy and working on finding AA meetings but the lies started happening. She was sneaking back over to her ex’s, was becoming rude and disrespectful and then ended up relapsing. After her relapse, she came to us and apologized and let us know she wanted to change. She didn’t want to depend on substances and didn’t want to go back to her ex. Things were good until the next round. She was sneaking again, lying to our faces about it, and ended up leaving the house to a friends for a few days. She came back again and apologized and cried, though she said she didn’t relapse and we believe her and trust this one friend.We let her know for her sake and ours, we’d have more rules and ordinance with her. We had given her time to adjust to a healthier environment (we don’t drink at all and while we use weed regularly, we stopped when she came to live with us again so she could focus on sobriety) and now it’d be up to her to gain our trust. Her location on her phone was to stay on, she was to start looking for a part time only job, she would need to ask us to go anywhere (mainly because we were paying for her car and I’m a co-signer, we wanted the car to be safe too) and we’d need to know with who. Again, things were fine this time around. We had to say no to her a couple times and explained our reasonings and she took it great.Just recently, she went to have lunch with a friend. When my husband randomly checked her location, it showed her at her ex’s place. He called her out on it and she swore up and down she wasn’t there and that she had learned her lesson. And we believed her. When she got home that day I asked about her friend and there were quite a bit of inconsistencies, I know she was at her ex’s. Today, my husband showed me a stash of cocaine he found in her makeup bag. He said he had an urge to look after she told him how she ran into her dealer recently. She told him she declined the coke but did get weed, we accepted this at the time and told her we’d like to discuss with her counselor if weed would be a good idea though and left it at that. Obviously she lied to us again.We haven’t confronted her about knowing she was at her ex’s and the coke stash yet. We don’t know what to do. We feel manipulated, taken advantage of, and so tired. I have anxiety already but since taking her back in, it’s come back stronger. I worry about what I’ll walk into when I come home everyday. I’m not comfortable leaving her alone to go out of town because I can’t trust she won’t sneak out (this happened the first time we went out of town to get a break from everything). We are the ONLY healthy relationship she has in her life. My family is a shit show and supplied her with alcohol and coke to begin with. I’m not blaming them for her choices, I know how addiction works.…
                
#relationship101-8195
                    I [28m] just tried to have sex with my gf [29f] and found myself squirming and wanting to pull away. I had to stop, and im freaking out. Sorry, just need to vent, I know there are loads of threads like this.We've been together 7 years. I've been getting less and less interested in sex over the past few months thinking I was tired and stressed. But tonight the thought of it just repulsed me. I know that sounds awful , and God I love her so so much, she means the world to me, I want to marry her. But I found myself squirming and wanting to pull away from her.She's put on 3 or 4 stone in the past few years. And it hit me while we were trying to get it on that if it were someone else, I'd be way way into it. Like my libido isn't low. It's better than ever, I just didn't know it. I don't know what to do. I feel terrible for feeling this way.Sat writing this message pretending to be on the toilet.tl;dr the thought of having sex with my girlfriend repulses me, and I didn't realise till tonight. Hit me like a tonne of bricks.
                
#relationship101-8193
                    F16 is sending me(M16) mixed signals. Is she into me or is she trying to be a good friend? Hey guys, I'm really confused and I need help. I don't know whether this girl sees me as a friend or a crush.TL;DR: She sent me all the signals that she is into me but then gets super embarrassed when the situation comes up. She has restrictive parents.So I met this girl in school a few months back and since then I thought I got all the signs she was into me.She always texts me - even for mundane things. We have extremely long convosShe always laughed at what I said/texted even if they weren't meant to be funnyShe always wanted me to hang out with her at lunch and when I couldn't she was disappointedThe first time we spent lunch hour together, she texted me saying that she was so happy we got to talk for an extended period of time. The same happened the first time we called each other for an extended period of timeWhen summer break started she agreed to go to Aladdin with me with some caveats (explained below)My friend said that she was into me but he never talked to her and based this on body language so idkthe other day she sent me 3 nice pics of her and asked me to pick the best/prettiest one for her profile pic. I picked one and complimented her which made her really happy.Some background: we are both Indian Americans. Her parents are restrictive like most Indian parents and do not allow non-academic contact with males outside thier family friend circles. She has never been in a relationship before.When I invited her to come with me she said that she would bring 1 of her friends with her otherwise her parents would be suspicious. I said that was fine.Yesterday she texted me saying her dad wanted to watch Aladdin with her on fathers day(most likely a lie as from what I know about her dad because he doesn't watch English movies regularly)Then I began to think she wasn't into me and saw me as a friend.However, I have female friends and NONE of them text me EVEN CLOSE to the amount this girl texts me.She recently also asks me to get on calls (30 mins to an hour on average) with her to talk which I accept when I'm free. She disconnects if her parents are nearby. NONE of my other female friends go on 30 min to 1 hour calls with me.Whenever I insinuate anything relationship wise she gets super embarrassed and skips the subject entirely.I asked her indirectly a MONTH ago whether we are friends or something more. She said that we are friends and I asked her "really?" and she said "I don't know." I then asked if that was subject to change and she said "maybe idk"So fellas is this girl into me, just trying to be a really good friend, or is she into me but trying not to get in a relationship due to her parents??I kinda like this girl and I am trying to make this a thing but if its situation 3 I will stop trying as it will get nowhere. If its 2 ill remain a friend but lay off flirtatiousness. If its 1 then thats dandy.
                
#relationship101-8194
                    I (M27) am having trouble with my GF (F25) of 7 years, when it comes to "pre-foreplay" intimacy and passion TLDR: Looking for advice/ideas to keep our intimacy after some issues.My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years we started long distance for few years and now have been living together for about 3. We have a pretty great relationship, lots of open communication, plenty of affection, endless joking around etc. I love spending my life with her. Our sex life is a bit more mixed, but we tend to be pretty attentive to each others needs and the sex itself is very satisfying.The issue comes with putting those two parts of our relationship together. I have gotten turned down for sex almost every single time I've tried to initiate in our relationship, I cant seem to get her in the mood or really have any input on the amount of sex we have or when we have it. Usually its between once every week or two, but I usually just have to wait for her to close her laptop look over and say "Wana bang"? Which comes off as really awkward and honestly makes me feel like I'm just there for when she needs me.Once we get into the sex its great but I can't help feel somewhat undesired or that my needs aren't really being taken care of. Obviously I don't want her to force herself to have sex that she doesn't want but I'm at a bit of a loss as to what I can do. I regularly take her out on dates, I try to be attentive, I give her massages, bring her flowers, and tell her how much I love her and how attracted I am to her.We've had many conversations about this and a lot of it is blamed on bad timing, just before bed it too late because shes tired, waking her up in the morning isn't an option because she's grumpy, So really the only time is straight after work, which often gets shot down because she isn't in the mood in general. I feel like I can't win.I've theorized a number of things that could be causing this, I've gained about 30lb over our relationship (which I'm working on losing again) and shes lost about 50lb, shes in good shape but the weight loss has given her a lot of loose skin which shes very self conscious about. She also has pretty bad anxiety and I often have to help calm her down when it comes to stress about work and her health. I understand that its hard for someone to feel sexual when they have all that stuff on their mind and I know I'm far from the perfect boyfriend, but I really don't know what the best thing I can do to support her and to help our relationship.Any ideas would be great, I've probably missed a bunch of context so I'll respond to any questions in the comments.
                
#relationship101-8192
                    Boyfriend [22M] didn't do anything for my [21F] birthday I've made a throwaway because I feel like I really needed to get this off my chest and get some advice on how to move forward.My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now. We hardly ever hang out, and I'm always understanding of his schedule because he's very busy. Anyways, a few weeks ago he asked me what I'd like for my birthday and I gave him ideas, so I was very happy to hear what sounded like he was planning something for my birthday.So anyways, at midnight he texts me to tell me happy birthday and I'm so happy. The next morning I wake up sick, and tell him. He says that we can postpone celebrating. Later that afternoon I feel better, and let him know. He doesn't respond for a little while, so I ask if we could still do something for my birthday. He tells me that he's already planned on hanging with his friend. This bummed me out, because he didn't even sound like he was going to invite me over to at least see me in person, so I told him honestly that I was bummed I didn't get to do anything for my birthday, but at the same time I was understanding and told him it was ok and whatnot. He then proceeds to tell me it wasn't nice to ask a loaded question (i.e., asking if we could do something for my bday was loaded), although I just wanted to know if we could hang out and was honest about being bummed out. I apologize, although I didn't mean to cause any strife or ask a loaded question. He finally invited me over after this, but I told him it was ok and he could just hang out with his friend. Later on he said we'd hang out tomorrow, which is today.I decided to lay off texting him first, and wanted to see if he'd text and invite me over. Nothing. It appears that he didn't get me a gift, and seems like he wasn't planning anything in the first place and only brought that up when I texted him first in the morning. Honestly, I wouldn't care if he hadn't gotten me anything, but the fact that he didn't seem to want to even hang out hurts. I was so happy to get him gifts and hang out with him on his birthday, so this stings a lot. Maybe I'm in the wrong and shouldn't be reacting so strongly to this, and maybe I should have texted him first today and told him I wanted to do something. But another part of me says that this situation isn't ok. I'm not sure how to approach him about this, which is why I'm here. I want to know if you guys think I'm overreacting, and how I should handle this.TL;DR: Birthday was yesterday. Boyfriend essentially said he'd already made plans with a friend and didn't invite me over until we had an argument. Today he didn't text me at all.