I (25m) don't trust girlfriend (21f), because i found out she cheated in the past We've been together for about 6 months and apart from some arguments things are fine.But before we got together a friend told me she had cheated on her then boyfriend.She has also told me that people called her a slut because she got with that boyfriend really soon after breaking up with her previous one. the case was the same for me, and I think after me will be the same. This is continued behavior, but not really something i can fault her with. As long as they were broken up, moving on quick isn't necessarily a bad thing.Also she has told me that some of her friends think that just making out with someone isn't really bad if the boyfriend doesn't find out, but that she doesn't think this way. She also told me that one of her friends cheated while they were on vacation.So i'm working with some unconfirmed rumors, and the fact that her friends think this way. We are similar to friends so i see this as a bad sign. She goes out and parties often, and i can't help but think "once a cheater always a cheater".But then another part of me says that i'm being an obsessive paranoid boyfriend.I have never and will never try to make her not go out, but this trust that i don't have is eating away at me. Lately I have been thinking about breaking up, even though i don't think she has cheated. I can't see myself learning to trust her, and that is bad for the both of us.Advice on how I should deal / not deal with this /learn to trust? Am I an asshole/out of order for feeling like this?tl;dr gf cheated (not on me) in the past, having trust issues because I found out.
Iv [M 29] never had a good looking girlfriend could this be a problem with my own self confidence as I just settle for whats there rather than a true beauty ? I [M 29] have had lots of relationships but all the women I have dated have been lets say at best 5/10 I know this scale is really shallow and I hate using it so forgive me for being shallow. I see guys who are slobs and who look like they couldn't care less with beautiful woman and I am like how do they do that !!!. I am a good looking guy and I always make people feel welcome in my company, I am career driven and outgoing but yet still if i downloaded a dating app every person who messaged me would be the overweight loner or something along those lines.I am aware that I am sounding very shallow but I guess I am being as honest as I can be, I have just always what it would be like to be with someone really good looking and hot.TD;LR Feel like I always get women who aren't exactly the best looking and wonder if it is my own problem with my own self confidence or self esteem that drives me towards these woman or them towards me. As the hot woman never approach me.
I (f28) am irrationally upset at how broken up my bf (m31) is about declining a work offer. This sounds absolutely ridiculous I'm sure, but my boyfriend texted me saying that a manager from another team in his company approached him with an offer to join his project because he needed someone reliable, good at solving problems, able to adapt, etc and knew that my bf was able to meet all of those qualifications. He is very highly respected and known for producing quality work, so this isn't surprising at all and I'm very proud that this manager said those things about him.He is really conflicted up about it though, because he recently accepted an offer doing a different position that doesn't involve what this manager wants him to do but knows he would be an asset to this new team. He's thoroughly enjoying this new role and does not want to move back into that line of work however, so he declined. He texted me saying that he is incredibly torn up about letting this manager down and disappointing him, so much so that it's making him feel physically ill.I completely understand why he's feeling this way, and I tried to talk him through it the best that I could. I told him to weigh all of his options, ask questions about the length of the project and if he could be put back into his new role afterwards, among other things. I want to be as supportive as possible, but there's a little nagging voice in the back of my mind that's very annoyed at his emotional response to this.In our six years together, my bf has been incredibly closed off and has exhibited a very minimal amount of emotion towards anything. He has let me down and disappointed me countless times without showing as much as an ounce of remorse or sadness. One recent example is that I got a promotion/large raise at work and he said he would take me out on a date to celebrate. When it never happened, I brought it up to him and he literally did not say a word to me in response, despite my tears of frustration (because this type of thing happens all the time) and I ended up dropping the issue entirely, just like every other time.But yet a manager approaches him with an offer that he doesn't even want and he's suddenly so upset about declining that he's sick over it. Am I being irrational?tl;dr :: manager at bf's work offered him a position within his team and bf declined, but is *very* upset about his decision. never shows anything close to this amount of emotion when it comes to things between us as a couple. it's making me somewhat...jealous? and resentful.
I (21f) am having mixed thoughts and emotions of my 7 year relationship, due to new friend I met at school. So the title may sound a bit weird but I recently started talking and hanging out with a friend I knew 2 years ago. We didn't start talking daily till 3 weeks ago and since then we seem to have immediately clicked.I'm currently in a 7 year relationship with my (22m) boyfriend and we're doing fine. We're talking about getting an apartment together now that we have graduated. We've had our problems here and there and mostly resolved them I guess. Overall I'd like to think I'm happy.However, ever since I met Chris I've been feeling a whole different type of way. Like sure I've meet other friends who are nice and we've become close and besties and they haven't ever had this impact on me. Chris is different. He's the exact opposite of my bf meaning, he loves to go out to bars, wants to go to the movies, enjoys being risky and taking chances, compliments me, actually wants to do the same fun things I do.I've never thought about cheating on my boyfriend, but after talking and hanging out with Chris I feel like there's a lot I'm missing out on in life. There's so much I have yet to do and want to do before I want to settle down. There's so much that I know I can do with Chris, and I feel like if I stay in my relationship I'm settling for so little.I'm so confused and my head is full of thoughts. I love my boyfriend, but I'm starting to feel a bit different about everything and I don't know what's going on. What am I feeling? Is this just a phase? Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like I am cheating on him because I've hanging out with him and the way he makes me feel.Tl;Rd: starting hanging out with new friend, Chris who is the exact opposite of my current bf and am now starting to have second thoughts on what I'm missing out and if I'm just settling for my bf.
My [22F] girlfriend [24F] storms out during arguments, and it makes me feel scared to bring up problems I feel the need to emphasize that this is a gay relationship. We have been together for about 7 months and both of us are women.One thing that I've noticed is that our conflicts can get messy. We always discuss things in a calm way but my girlfriend's reaction tends to be anger, while mine tends to be sadness. She often spends a good portion of our argument (I use argument lightly - there is no yelling or anything like that, just a discussion about a problem) glaring, rolling her eyes, huffing, things like that. These things make me feel very small and I often cry while we talk.Additionally, I feel a lot of pressure to be very careful with how I phrase things because of this. She has a habit of angrily storming out of the house during arguments. We don't live together but she often stays over at my place, so when she gets upset she grabs all of her stuff and barrels towards the door. Again, this happens in relatively calm discussion. In my opinion anyways, although I am often crying I phrase things very calmly and don't insult, yell, raise my voice, etc. I am also very willing to own up to my behavior and have apologized and said that I was wrong before.But it feels like I am always afraid she will drop the guillotine and storm out of the house. So I am very careful to phrase things in a polite and neutral way, walking on eggshells. It's like I feel the pressure to be "extra rational" because when she gets upset she will just grab all of her stuff and slam the door. She has also told me that she has dumped people by slamming the door and never coming back in the past, and this doesn't surprise me whatsoever. About a month and a half ago, we had a long argument of this nature where she tried to grab her things and leave and I stood in front of her and said that I was feeling very alone and small. This was quite a messy argument but we ended up saying she can leave the house but not overnight.Earlier on in our relationship, one of my favorite things about it was that I felt like I could always talk to her if anything was wrong and we would be there for each other. I've noticed lately that I don't always feel this way anymore. I think back to this fight and feel like it's not worth it, because if I say the wrong thing, no matter how calmly, she will just become angry and storm out and I'll be there crying alone. She is overseas right now (military, but office work for the military so she's not in battle) and I feel the same way, except replaced with hanging up the phone mid-talk.I've been wanting to talk to her about this but I'm scared to even bring it up. In addition to all of this, if I have an issue she sometimes just says it's my fault for not trusting her and that the relationship won't work without trust. However, I think this is more about our communication. I'm very secure in some senses and have little to no jealousy or possessiveness, to the point that she jokes about me being a confident wall of steel. But for the first time in my life I'm getting scared of even having a discussion with someone about the way we have discussions. I get scared that she'll storm out or say I just don't trust her enough. It feels like she doesn't see these things rationally sometimes and just wants to run away, which makes me scared.I guess I'm just looking for some insight. Any advice would be helpful.---TL;DR: my girlfriend (gay relationship) has a habit of anger and storming out during arguments. This makes me scared to bring things up with her, even if it's as simple as discussing the way we handle arguments, and puts me under a lot of pressure to be careful with how I phrase things.
I don't know how to get back in touch with a potential friend. (Throwaway account; not a native English speaker)I(18m)'ve been attending an English class (1 day a week) for a few months. I've met an interesting and kinda fun girl (18f) which I've eventually become acquainted with. Initially, I was the one who approached her, but then she started sitting next to me, talking to me, having lunch with me and all the stuff you can do at school in the afternoon, honestly. In other words, she simply makes me feel very comfortable (I'm not romantically interested, though, keep this in mind). We also got to know each other's background a bit more over the last few weeks and this made me think about how good of a friendship it could have been.The class ended with yesterday's lesson, unfortunately. I'd like to get back in touch with her as soon as possible, but I'm currently wondering how - I have her phone number, but I don't really know what to do with it. I don't want to put any kind of pressure on her by texting her too much. She lives quite far from my place, so arranging a meeting would be complicated, especially in this period (which is busy for both of us).I don't want this to fade into nothing, I'm just looking for a friend in her, after all. What's the best way of dealing with this? Is it even worth pursuing or not?TL;DR - I don't know how to get back in touch with a girl I'd like to keep as a friend. Any tips are welcome.
Getting confusing vibes from a girl I’m seeing, help! (I’m 27M, she is 27F) So I met this girl at a show a few months ago and had a very drunk hookup. About a month or two passed and we hung out again and TOTALLY hit it off. Insane chemistry. We had a couple more nights out that ended in drunk hookups. But here’s the thing...The past like 4 times we’ve gone out, she’s shown no interest in sex or even making out, AND YET she’s coming over to my place at the end of the night. We’ve had a few weird sleepovers that are like totally devoid of romance. I’m very confused. But then we’ll go hang out during the day, walking around the park, and she’ll randomly grab my hand or lean on my shoulder.She’s described herself as “batshit insane” and has some childhood issues that I won’t go into, but long story short I really care about her and am attracted to her and want to be intimate with her... how do I broach this weird situation?I’m seeing her tonight, how should I bring this up? Do I be blunt and her if she wants to have sex at the end of the night rather than just inviting her over? Do I ask her if everything is okay in general? I have no problem waiting on someone to be ready, but that’s not the situation here — she’s very sexually active.Any insight for my confused ass would be very much appreciated.
My [27F] "best friend" [28F] ghosted me During a seminar at college, I've met my now ex-best friend of 8 years. She was the only person that I could tell my private stuff to and we went on many trips throughout the world together. I was having my graduation party so she was the only friend I considered to ask for help, because I thought I could rely on my best friend. She was also neutral, at first, with the idea of me having a graduation party. Weeks went past without her replying to me, while I saw constant daily updates on her Snapchat and Facebook of her having fun and responding to other people.. meanwhile, all my other friends were asking me if they could help me with my graduation party and said that they were really happy for me. I told them about my best friend, and they told me to wait until the party, that she might surprise me with something. I tried to contact her various times, but she wouldn't reply to me.A few days before my graduation party, she texted me and said that she caught a cold and couldn't come to my graduation party. At my party, all my family members, friends and acquaintances asked me if my best friend was coming, because everybody was used to see us together like twins. The day after my graduation party, she texted me a congratulations and said that she would catch up with me soon or later. I ignored her text, because if she could ignore me for longer than a month while I was worrying and texting her frequently without any response from her, she didn't deserve a text from me now. A few days later, she deleted me from all social media and her family members removed me too. All my friends tell me that I should be happy that a fake friend removed herself from my life. I knew that my best friend didn't like the fact that I was hanging out with other people or got pretty sad about the fact of me graduating school, because she had no other real friends (only superficial) beside me, as what she told me, and dropped out of our school. Which she mentioned a lot of times, even on a daily basis, indirectly to me. But I never thought that she would bite me in the ass for that. Should I leave her be or ask her why she ghosted me after so many years of "friendship"?TL;DR My best friend of many years ghosted me, because she didn't contact me for weeks and did not join my graduation party and afterwards, she deleted me from all social media. Not sure if I should contact her about the ghosting or not.
Is it harder to be in a healthy relationship when you have untreated mental health issues (anxiety, depression, etc)? My bf (30/m) admits to having anxiety and depression. I’ve already posted about this many times and I guess I’m just looking to build up courage to finally break up without regret.I’m exasperated to even type everything out but..He admitted it’s harder for him to be in a happy relationship when he isn’t even happy with himself. He has no idea what he’s doing, or what he wants to do with his life. He escapes most problems and responsibilities by playing video games. I saw these red flags and I guess it was only a matter of time before it started affecting how he would approach conflicts in our relationship (distance, escape, withdrawal instead of confrontation and working through things).I’m tired but it’s just so hard to leave.Tldr; is it generally harder for one to be in a happy, healthy relationship if one isn’t happy with themselves/their life?
I’m (22m) am a compulsive liar in almost all of my relationships whether family friends or romantic TLDR: I lie about the most mundane of things at all times despite knowing how wrong it is and how it will eventually catch up to me. I feel like such a piece of dirt and am beginning to think I really am one and I’m really not sure where to even begin in fixing it.I’ve been battling with this in my head for awhile now. For as long as I remember I’ve been telling lies over everything. What I ate for breakfast, what happened the other night etc. I know it’s wrong and I know before I even say it that it’s not the truth but I still end up going through with it. In the relationship I just got out of (because of this issue mainly) a common one was “I didn’t go to his house and smoke” knowing full well I did. That started when she (22f) would give me a problem over it when I’d tell the truth so instead of still being honest despite how it would make her feel I straight up lied about it. I feel like I used that as a justification because I’d rather lie about not doing it rather than tell the truth and face possible consequences. I was always loyal to her but there were a lot of times I’d be asked something mundane like “what are you eating” and I’ll say tuna instead of turkey. I don’t know why. It extends past my relationship too. I do the same with friends and family. Over the most mundane things I’ll just flat out lie about the circumstances, or what it actually is. I’m not even sure why I do it. I just do. Despite how wrong it is or how screwed of a position it puts me in. I like to think I’m a good person, I’m loyal to the people in my life, I try going out of my way to do things for people, I am usually very pleasant to be with and always the numerous one of whatever group I’m with. I always make the bad times enjoyable no matter how hard it may actually be and I’m confident that at the end of the day that I’m not as awful as I think I am. But then I think I can’t even trust my thoughts of those things and I truly am a terrible person. Every time I have to make a choice I can’t even trust myself that I’ll make the right one. I feel like such a piece of shit for doing all of this and best myself up over it so much but still I don’t change. I don’t know how to stop lying. I’ve arranged to meet with a therapist so hopefully that helps things but for the time being I don’t know what to do. I just want to be able to be trustworthy again but I don’t even know how to start trusting myself.
"Best" Friend (30F) Hurt Me (30F) My best friend (or so I thought) of 12 years made me feel like a complete asshat this past weekend. We've not lived in the same city for many years, but travel a few times a year to see one another for a weekend here and there. I'm married with a toddler, and she has been in a long term relationship for years. We are both 30. We talk most every week, and we've always been there for one another, even though we don't see each other often.Last weekend I flew to meet up with her and a few of her friends. Weekend started off okay, but slowly realized that she was seemingly annoyed by my presence. She would ignore me, or glance at me with a disapproving look. I got along great with the other girls, but she just seemed off with me. I chalked it up to us being around other people and usually it's just the two of us. At some point one of the other girls jokingly remark that we couldn't be "best friends" because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream flavor was, after I had guess incorrectly. She then snidely replied in front of everyone, "that's because we aren't best friends". I was taken aback. This was my maid of honor. A girl that I told everything to, and she just called me out in front of everyone.Now, I realize the term "best friends" is pretty juvenile, and that's not even what's bothering me. It's the way she said it and how I realized she wasn't joking afterwards. Had she been joking, why wouldn't she just say, "sorry, bad joke"? I left my son and husband for an entire weekend, flew for hours just to be treated like a subpar human for days?I felt physically ill for about an hour, and tried to ignore my feelings. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin the weekend. Everyone's weekend. She could tell that she hurt me right away, and she was suddenly super nice to me right after she said what she did (for a few hours kept asking me what was the matter...), but she never brought it up, nor apologized. Decided after secretly crying in the bathroom that I needed to get myself together. Suddenly her earlier behavior made sense, she was in fact annoyed by me and it wasn't just my imagination.Still struggling with her behavior 3 days later. I hate confrontation, and will do anything in my power to avoid it (was debating on whether or not I should just ignore her indefinitely), but I'm considering saying something to help me understand what the hell happened, but just not sure how to say it. We've always been very mindful and kind to one another, but I debating on whether to just lay it out there, even at the expense of potentially ruining our friendship.Am I overreacting regarding her behavior? Would you stay friends with someone that treated you this way?
I (20F) pushed my boyfriend (21M) last night :/ My (20F) boyfriend (21M) and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years and the relationship has gone pretty well aside from the usual arguments that pop up every once in a while. Also, I apologize in advance for the vagueness. My boyfriend uses Reddit frequently and I don't want him to see this.Earlier in the day, I texted my boyfriend accusing him of lying about something small. It wasn't that big of a deal, I just wanted him to be aware that I noticed his location and his words were a little off. Turns out I was wrong and he wasn't lying. Later on, when we see each other I tell him that I feel lonely in this new city. Since he has his new job (for the summer) and work friends he's fine and I'm basically here with him for moral support, so I spend my days at home carless and alone. My highlight of the day is waiting for him to come home. So when right before he gets off, he says that he's going to hang out with friends after work, it makes me a little sad. He gave me a very dry response, saying he understands how I feel then thanked me for telling him and finally said he was sorry I felt that way. His response kind of annoyed me because it was very routine and there was no emotional response to what I said. He could tell that I felt some type of way about it so he asked me if I was upset at his answer. I told him I was and then that's when things started to go downhill. He made a comment about me calling him a liar earlier and I tried to explain my thought process that led me to thinking he lied. He continuously kept yelling over me, while I tried to explain. Arguing, cussing, fingers in each other's faces and each of us yelling over each other ensued and I was getting very frustrated because he was refusing to listen to me and calm down. So I pushed him to try to get him on the bed then I pushed him again in the other direction to get him on the chair. Arguing continued until I was so over it I left the room.We didn't talk to each other all night and we each were on separate floors of the house until it was time to go to bed. I apologized to him for pushing him and he didn't say anything. I wanted to talk out what just happened - because I'm not a fan of going to sleep mad - but he said he didn't want to talk. He said he had nothing to say. I had to ask him several times why he didn't want to talk and he said, "You put your hands on me. You put your hand on your boyfriend. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to look at you. I don't even want to think about you." I apologized again for probably the third time that night and I asked him if he'll ever forgive me. He said he'll eventually forgive, but never forget. Before going to bed I asked him one last question. "Do you think I'm abusive because I pushed you?" He said yes. This is really heartbreaking to me especially as someone who has been emotionally and s*xually abused. I know how it feels to be abused and the genuine fear you have for your abuser. I am not an abuser. I didn't mean to push him. At all, I was just frustrated and needed him to calm down and listen to me. In NO WAY am I justifying my behavior. It was completely out of line and downright wrong.This morning we touched on the subject and realized that somethings got to give and that all the craziness of last night did not just come out of nowhere and that there are some underlying negative emotions present in the relationship. I apologized once again for my behavior last night. He doesn't seem the same though, like all his faith in me is gone. I really don't know what to do. I want to work through this and get our relationship to where it should be. But I feel like it's going to be maybe months before he feels right about me again. What should I do to ensure him that I would never hit him or any other physical abuse? What should I do in general? Any advice?TL;DR: In a heated argument I pushed my boyfriend on the chair to calm down. I apologized multiple times but it seems like he will never forgive me or feel the same way about me anymore.
My boyfriend's friend (M 30) is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend - we are all roommates to complicate matters. I (28 F) am in a pickle. I know our roommate (my boyfriend's longtime friend, 30 M) is talking with another girl, and wants to break up with his current girlfriend (25 F) who we also live with. He has been telling my boyfriend (29 M) for almost a year that he hates her and wants to end it, and just recently met another girl he claims he has undeniable chemistry with. I fear the one reason he hasn't ended it is because they split their portion of the rent and he does not want to pay half on his own. I am certain the other reason is he is scared to have that conversation because of how she will react.My BF and I don't personally care for the girl either; she is a human trash bag and I would love to have her out of the apartment ASAP. However, I would feel guilty being the one to tell her even anonymously. However, if I was in her position I would want to know.She's inquired with my boyfriend on if he thinks her boyfriend is acting strange and my boyfriend obviously followed bro-code and talked her off the ledge. But her intuition (and any other clues she's collected) are spot on. She should not have her time wasted. This whole thing is going to leave her even more messed up than her last relationship left her (which I guess was pretty ugly).Should I tell her or keep letting it ride, while we all awkwardly live together?TL;DR My boyfriend's friend wants to break up with his GF but won't. Wondering if I should tell her.
I [28/F] suddenly feel my boyfriend [26/M] of about 6 months isn't over his LTR ex that's relationship ended 1+ year ago. I started dating this guy casually about 6 months ago but we recently have gotten serious with a title 2 months ago. I am widowed and was with my husband for all of my adult life so I had to actively try to not bring him when talking about ANYTHING to due with my past simply because he was present for it. My boyfriend also dated his ex for about 5 years and they split up actually BEFORE my husband died (around Halloween of 2017, my husband passed away early 2018.)More context. She dumped him. He was devastated got with a rebound within a month dated her for two months. The long term ex saw this intervened and he broke up with the rebound (which he admits was a terrible idea to begin, he wasn't even that compatible with her) This was in 1/18 and he and his LTR remained "talking" for another month or so. She kept shying away from putting their title back on and was spending a lot of time talking to a "friend" out of state. She assured him nothing was going on until POOF she just took off to be with this guy blocked my BF without saying a word. This was around April.My boyfriend said he was NOT just going to latch onto another woman until he was fully healed over his ex. So he set up dating profile in 11/18 (after 7 months of self reflection and healing) met a couple of "th*ts" then we met.We instantly hit it off and were head over heals for each other. We did the get-to-know-you see each other thing for several months before obtaining a title because my boyfriend stated he was "afraid to fully commit to me because he wanted to be sure I wasn't just using him as place holder or void filler since my husband died only about a year ago and he didn't want to fully let his guard down and fall in love with me only to be hurt again." (like his ex did.)I understood this and was patient. We got closer at the beginning of April did the whole "I love you's" I met his family, we started planning trips, we even talked about moving in with each other soon-ish, etc, more stuff, serious stuff.Everything was perfect. Now I knew about the ex and that he wasn't exactly cheery when bringing her up but he didn't obsessively talk about her. But I wasn't worried because I brought my husband up more often than he did her. By the time we had a title, it had been over a year that she left him (finally) so I know I wasn't an immediate rebound. I didn't really see any red flags so I continued as normal.But then she randomly unblocked him attempted to contact him. She still lives out of state and he claims he hasn't replied "yet" but he has been acting weird and "depressed" because he feels he needs to "face her for closure" and wants an apology for the initial break up, then playing with his head when he was with someone else manipulating him to get back with her, then not getting back with him, lying about the "friend" and then just up and leaving without even saying goodbye. He says "he is over his love for her but the resentment still festers and he feels he now has a chance to finally put that to rest."I am not really buying any of this. I think if he was truly over her as much as he claims to be and does really LOVE me like he says he does, just have the closure convo or ignore her. Do I still miss my husband? Of course, do I still sit around and mope that he is gone? No I stopped doing that around the 6 month mark of his passing. The fact that he is oddly sitting around moping and "waiting" to respond (not just blocking her and not responding at all), letting this whole situation bother him this much just SCREAMS red flag to me. He insists to me it's just part of his anxiety and he has always been that way with confrontation but I don't like his attitude about this. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. I had an ex that I dated for 2 years cheat on me. If he messaged me out of the blue and apologized I'd be like "Oh…
My (21F) asked my BF (25M) to talk about something that bothered me, and this is what happened... A little bit of background story: we are in a LDR and we've been going out for almost 10 months now.Yesterday we were on a call, each doing our own things. He started telling me about what he was doing and I absent mindedly responded as I was really distracted with working on a poster (I am a perfectionist and the placement of something by even 1 pixel bothers me). He then asked if there is anything wrong with me and I responded no, then he said "it feels like you are giving me an attitude". At that time he didn't know that I was working on something, and I just told him that he's thinking too much into it and that I'm really distracted working on a poster.Now the way he said that it feels like I am giving him an attitude REALLY bothered me. There was another situation recently (less than a month ago) where he also misunderstood me giving him an attitude and he got really upset at me. So it was on my mind the entire night, and I was wondering things like maybe there is something else going on that I do not know about that makes him prone to thinking that I am doing that to him.So this morning, literally 30 minutes ago, I asked if he could talk. We got on a call again, and I told him that I feel really bothered that he seemed to keep misunderstanding that I'm giving him an attitude and asked if there is anything that's going on that is causing that. I asked without any ill feelings or negative feelings, I genuinely just wanted to figure things out.He responded by saying that he doesn't understand why I'm talking about this and that all he asked was a question trying to figure out why my tone changed. I told him that he did ask (he asked if anything is wrong), but then saying something like he thinks I am giving him an attitude isn't a question as it is a statement and it doesn't feel good to have that said to someone's face.Well, he still insisted that he was just trying to ask a question to figure out my change of tone so that he can get it out of his mind that I'm not trying to give him an attitude, I told him he could've asked about why my tone is different instead of just flat out giving me that statement... eventually it turned into him telling me that I am trying to start things and that his biggest mistake is trying to "figure out" why my tone changed because apparently that's not appropriate. I told him that if anyone was told that they'd be bothered and if he could find someone who isn't going to be bothered I will take what I said back, he then told me that he really can't do this right now... which I responded that I never wanted it to turn out like this and mentioned that I literally approached him on this subject without any negative feelings. He then said that he isn't the one who started on this.Am I crazy Reddit? I swear to god I am not. This whole conversation made me feel (1) my feelings are dismissed and I can't bring anything up to him (2) I can't communicate with him (3) apparently he can confirm whether I am having an issue with him but I can't do the same with him (except I am asking in a more appropriate way).I really don't know what to do. When he repeated for the third or fourth time that I am the one "starting things", I just said ok and left the call. I feel so horrified that that was his reaction... I feel so lost right now. What do I do?Tl;dr BF tells me that I am starting things when I approached him calmly on a subject that was bothering me because I want to see if there's anything that needed to be sorted out; I am now horrified and don't know what to do.EDIT: Changed not horrified to now horrified, probably the worst typo ever EDIT 2: Changed some wordings, typed this up really fast sorry :/
My (27F) boyfriend (36M)is acting selfish and doesn't keep his words. Long story short,we met 2 years ago during school period. He was in a 16 years old relationship who was life draining and a total mess, he even lost his will to live, was like a shadow. They were both sad but kept the wagon rolling because of habit. During this time they didn't build anything, no baby, no engagement, no house buying. Nothing a normal couple would have done during this time.Fastforward we've been friend, had a lot of common interest, and fell deeply in love with eachother. He decided to end his last relationship to live what we had to live together. We were in a relationship together at the begining of 2018. Life was good. A lot of common dreams, aspirations, same life vision etc...Summer arrived, he was feeling regrets and ditched me to go back to his ex, and tryed a last time to give everything he could to make his old couple work. His acted like a total jerk with me because he was lost and in pain. I was destroyed, tryed to understand, fought for our story who I though was sincere. And decided to respect his choice, moved on, and disapeard from his life.Spent my hole summer with a hole on my heart, crying everyday.On october 2018 he poped out of nowhere saying he was ready to live what we had to live together, that he regrets what he has done to me, he doesn't want to miss out on our story who felt like "soulmate" for both of us. That he wants to live with me, to build his life with me, get maried, children, house etc...he doesn't want to wait years for this.So I gave him a second chance. I love him, he is my bestfriend, my lover.But there's a lot a thing that is making me feel sad today :He have changed a lot, his minds are now focus on himself : his law studies, his sport, his bike, his flat research, what he wants and no more couple vision.I live in a very little place, we are always at mine I have spent my whole winter searching for a place to live together without his help. He changed his mind twice about it. And lastly he told me "I want to live by myself" because I want to be a man capable to pay all the charges for our family etc...(among other things, every 3 months he also feels sad about what he have lost, the security of his old relationship etc...so I try to support him the best I can).Tldr : I am in a relationship with a man with a strong relationship background, I want to build something together sincerely. I feel like my visions, my will and needs will always pass behind what he wants. And I feel really bad about it, a lot of resentment, and my feelings are less strong than before.I am ok to do some compromise (for the flat we will take our flat separately, no more drama), but I can't always follow his lead, I have a voice of my own, and it's killing me that i am not heard.I have told him about it, at first with a lot of tears and now with and a more mature tone.Should I give him time to rebuild himself ? Should I continue my road alone ?I am sure of one thing : I can't wait after him eternally.Thank you for reading !
My dad's side of the family has no contact, how do I (24f) explain this to my bf (25m) who is very family oriented? My dad(60m) and I(24f) are both only children so I have a very small immediate family.My bf (Luke 25m) is very family oriented and has a very large family. His family is also very close.My dad's side of the family (more specifically grandpap's side) is not close. There is part ethnicity (my great grandparents came from a country that views past 2nd cousins as not family). part city versus country (we live in the country). But the heart of the issue, revolves around hurt and anger over one of my dad's first cousins. This cousin was a convicted drug dealer, alcoholic, and part of a biker gang (this was in the '70s) he died before my parents even dated (so 35 years ago).This cousin dragged the whole family into it, as he would come up to the then shared family property (my grandparents now parents own the property) there is two houses on the property and drag his nonsense into it. My grandparents had thugs and convicts next door to their home, had cops watching the place and wiretapped the phone lines. They stole stuff, broke windows etc on the property. Along with dealing with friends talking about the situation, and raising a teenager at the time (dad). More or less this acts fractured the family as aunts and uncles took sides.I have met some of these cousins a handful of times, and there is now no contact. Luke does not understand this as he thinks that families band together through everything. He feels this bad cousin was misunderstood and claims that my grandparents overreacted and cousin needed help.How do I explain this topic to him and not rehash stuff that happened almost 15 years before I was even born?**TL;DR** Dad's family is not close due to many things, we have no contact (outside of a couple cards yearly) from these people. There is several reasons to this separation, but big one is a bad cousin who actions did permanent damage to the family.My bf is close to his family and believes that families band together through everything. He does not understand the many issues with my dad's side. My mom's side is also very close.How do I explain this to him?
Me [30M] and girlfriend [28F] of 3 years. She has been going out to lunch with a male coworker [30M] on a regular basis. Is this something I should be worried about? As the title says, my girlfriend has been getting lunch with a male coworker once per week (on the same day of the week) for a few weeks now. It is always one on one and they have been going to fairly fancy sit down lunch places. She takes pictures (mostly just of the food) and posts them to her social media.She has never cheated on me before but there was a complication last week because of a fight (which turned out to be a complete misunderstanding on her part). She purposely ignored my phone calls while she was having lunch with him because of her false assumption. I didn't even realize she was with him until she told me afterwards. She told me she got a quick coffee with him but then I saw her social media post and they actually had a fancy lunch together.Normally I would be fine with her having occasional one on one lunch with a male coworker but I guess my radar? is detecting something a bit off. I think this is because of a few things:The lunches are regular, every single week, and always one on oneShe is disclosing very personal things to him that took her years to tell meThe fight the previous week that caused her to ignore my calls and lie about where she wentUltimately I don't think my girlfriend is one to cheat physically (I have been in relationships with infidelity before so I am no stranger to the usual signs). But I guess my fear is that she is developing a strong emotional attachment to this person that although is probably not emotional cheating per-se, is definitely creating a small rift between us.What are your guys' thoughts on this situation? Am I being jealous and insecure? Or does this sound a little fishy? How should I approach this situation?TL;DR Girlfriend has been going out to 1-on-1 lunches regularly with a male coworker. Should I be concerned?
Need post breakup advice. About a month ago I broke up with my gf of almost 2 years. There was a age gap between us of about 10 years, it was a problem in the past but then it seemed like she became ok with it. In the last 2 or 3 months of the relationship, she started getting cold and distant with me, we only exchanged a few messages a day and we would only see each other about once a week, sometimes not even that for some bs reason from her.For the majority of the relationship she would message me a lot and we would meet as much as we could so this suddenly change was odd and I asked her about it, she said she was stressed because of work and there was nothing wrong with us, things would be fine soon. I thought that was reasonable and so I kept waiting but things just kept getting worse, even less messages and we would go one or two weeks without seeing each other. One sunday I was feeling really down and texted her if she could meet with me cause I really needed it, she refused, I asked again with please in the end but still got a no.The following day was her birthday so I texted her I was coming by to be with her and give her her birthday present. When I arrived she didn´t let me enter the house because her son was home and rejected to come outside for a bit, didn't want her gift either.I left and when I got home I texted her how that really hurted and made me upset, she replied with "I have stuff to do, I will talk to you later today", she didn't. The next day I called her a bunch of times, she kept rejecting until I sent her a message with please pick up the phone. We started talking and I asked her what is going on, you haven't been the same with me for a while now. Right away she tells me she is having doubts about us and doesn't feel the same way as she did before, I asked her why didn't you say anything before and waited until now, she said she didn't know. After a lot of back and forth she tells me she didn't want her son to meet me, not now or ever because she didn't feel comfortable with the age gap between us and thought her son would be upset.I had been asking to meet her son for a while now since we had been dating for over a year already, she always refused. I told her, talk to him about it, tell him you feel a bit uncomfortable with the age gap but you love me and it's important to you that he at least gives me a chance. She told me, that's not going to happen "I don't love you anymore", my heart sunk at that moment for that came out of nowhere. After a few moments of silence I asked since when, she said for a while now but wasn't sure why, I asked if she wanted to break up, she said no, she wanted to take a break and see how she felt after a being apart for a while, maybe she would change her mind.I told her if in almost two years she still doesn't feel ok with us to the point of introducing me to her son, that isn't gonna change just because we stop talking for a while. I said is this it for us then? She said yes and I hung up.I blocked her number and deleted her from all social media and we haven't talked since then.I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do, after all she did say she didn't love me, but often I second guess myself and think why did she want a break and asked me to wait to see if she would change her mind if she didnt love me instead of telling me right away it was over? I keep thinking maybe she still loves me but for one reason or another is unsure of something.I still have feelings for her and miss her like crazy, did I do the right thing or should I have waited and see what would happen?tl;dr: GF of almost two years told me she would never introduce me to her son and didn't love me anymore but wanted a break to see if she would change her mind. I rejected that idea and gone no contact for about a month now. Still love her and think about her everyday, I miss her. Did I do the right thing or should I have waited and see if she would change her mind?
If another woman did this to you would you think she was attracted to you? Hello everyone,A brief background: 31/F. Last year I went through a rough stage of anxiety related to my sexuality in the form of over-analyzing. I am asexual and have always been that way. Fortunately I have recovered and to back to feeling happy. I've learned to accept anxious thoughts and over thinking things.I made the mistake of sneakily looking at another woman's cleavage whilst at work. It lasted 3 seconds and she caught me (insert horrified emoji) and leaned back. I don't know why I did it. A thought in my head told me to look at her cleavage and well that caused a really bad spell last year of analyzing if I checked because I was attracted to her. Because of my asexuality and my limited understanding of what attraction feels like and so I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what attraction was. I later realized that I didn't want to kiss or be romantic with her in anyway and the only time I thought about her and if I was attracted to her was in relation to the embarrassing looking at her chest area. So I gained clarity that my issue wasn't that I was attracted to her and that is settled. I worked with her a few times after the incident and the staring never happened again but I feel she acted quite distant. She was pretty and I had no issues with her but I never felt any attraction beyond a platonic feeling of an alright colleague.My only issue now is every now and then I get flashback of the embarrassing incident and wonder if my colleague thought I was attracted to her. If you were in her situation would you think like that? I think I saw her checking my outfit out once when I walked past and never thought anything of it but I just feel my situation is horrifying but also I am trying my best to have a good old laugh about it. My mind, my beautiful mind has caused me so many embarrassing moments lol and I am trying to lighten up here and show myself some compassion because I noticed some grey hairs the other day and goodness my over-analyzing mind is starting to show on the outside.